The lad’s holiday has always been believed to pose a high threat to relationships. Destinations such as Magaluf, commonly known as ‘Shagaluf’, regularly play host to these getaways that are the ultimate catalyst to the questioning of trust.
From reading a thread on The Student Room (TSR, studentroom.co.uk), I found a definition of a lad’s holidays to be “sex, drugs and alcohol”. Although this definition screams stereotype, it does ring true for destinations such as Malia and Magaluf that are without a doubt well known for the consumption of alcohol at clubs and bars around the area. However, do all lads intend to have sex and get wasted? Of course not. Like in any case of social interaction, individuals want to feel ‘normal’ and therefore conform to what they believe to be the socially accepted behavior at the time. This idea is extremely applicable to the idea of the lad’s holiday where lads will act erratically to gain social status within their friendship group. Also, they will do this to fit in with the rest of the lads outside of their friendship group, if they feel threatened by them as competition. Considering this, could it be said that lad’s holidays are just pictures of conformity? If five lads go away on holiday together and four are seeking sex, regardless of their relationship commitments at home, this can only make the other lad feel left out and possibly inadequate. The holiday becomes a conquest and those not taking part surely lose.
However, it is all fair and well criticizing men of being unfaithful and unruly, but has anyone ever considered what happens on girly holidays? Although the lad’s holiday is clearly known for cheating and rebellious behaviours, it is extremely sexist to say that girlfriends can be the only ones with worry and concern when their respective others go away. Because the lad’s holiday is a stereotype, it is convenient to be ignorant of this issue. Cheating is an act that can happen regardless of sex, age and personality.
Therefore, when gender is taken out of the question, we can take a general perspective on why lad’s or girls holidays pose threats to relationships. It could be said that holidays create problems because they threaten the possibility of equal footing. A comment from a woman on TSR claimed that her boyfriend going on a lad’s holiday wouldn’t be as bad due to the fact that she was going on one too with her girlfriends. Is there some truth in the assumption that a man/woman may feel more insecure because while they are at home living a regular life, their partners are escaping from normal life and potentially having their cake and eating it too? Elements of balance and equality in relationships are clearly distorted by the presence of the holidays in question.
Another assumption which can be debated upon is the idea of temptation being greater in places like ‘Shagaluf’ in comparison to anywhere else. This is clearly wrong. Cheating is an act that happens regardless of location. If the person in question goes to a club abroad and cheats, he could have previously cheated at home. Although both are different scenarios, the similarity is that you would never be there at the time or know for sure whether he was unfaithful or not. Whether away in Magaluf or London, if you do not trust your other half there is simply no hope of a long-term commitment and it is lacking this, that creates the image of the lad’s holiday as a scapegoat for failing relationships.
By Natasha Devan
BOOKlet
cheating, conformity, holiday, lads holiday, Magaluf, norms, relationships, sex, society, trust, unfaithful
Lad’s Holiday: The Test of Trust
In comment|BOOK on November 2, 2009 at 9:40 pmFrom reading a thread on The Student Room (TSR, studentroom.co.uk), I found a definition of a lad’s holidays to be “sex, drugs and alcohol”. Although this definition screams stereotype, it does ring true for destinations such as Malia and Magaluf that are without a doubt well known for the consumption of alcohol at clubs and bars around the area. However, do all lads intend to have sex and get wasted? Of course not. Like in any case of social interaction, individuals want to feel ‘normal’ and therefore conform to what they believe to be the socially accepted behavior at the time. This idea is extremely applicable to the idea of the lad’s holiday where lads will act erratically to gain social status within their friendship group. Also, they will do this to fit in with the rest of the lads outside of their friendship group, if they feel threatened by them as competition. Considering this, could it be said that lad’s holidays are just pictures of conformity? If five lads go away on holiday together and four are seeking sex, regardless of their relationship commitments at home, this can only make the other lad feel left out and possibly inadequate. The holiday becomes a conquest and those not taking part surely lose.
However, it is all fair and well criticizing men of being unfaithful and unruly, but has anyone ever considered what happens on girly holidays? Although the lad’s holiday is clearly known for cheating and rebellious behaviours, it is extremely sexist to say that girlfriends can be the only ones with worry and concern when their respective others go away. Because the lad’s holiday is a stereotype, it is convenient to be ignorant of this issue. Cheating is an act that can happen regardless of sex, age and personality.
Therefore, when gender is taken out of the question, we can take a general perspective on why lad’s or girls holidays pose threats to relationships. It could be said that holidays create problems because they threaten the possibility of equal footing. A comment from a woman on TSR claimed that her boyfriend going on a lad’s holiday wouldn’t be as bad due to the fact that she was going on one too with her girlfriends. Is there some truth in the assumption that a man/woman may feel more insecure because while they are at home living a regular life, their partners are escaping from normal life and potentially having their cake and eating it too? Elements of balance and equality in relationships are clearly distorted by the presence of the holidays in question.
Another assumption which can be debated upon is the idea of temptation being greater in places like ‘Shagaluf’ in comparison to anywhere else. This is clearly wrong. Cheating is an act that happens regardless of location. If the person in question goes to a club abroad and cheats, he could have previously cheated at home. Although both are different scenarios, the similarity is that you would never be there at the time or know for sure whether he was unfaithful or not. Whether away in Magaluf or London, if you do not trust your other half there is simply no hope of a long-term commitment and it is lacking this, that creates the image of the lad’s holiday as a scapegoat for failing relationships.
By Natasha Devan